


Monsters Under the Bed

by captainicole



Category: Original Work
Genre: Depression, Eating Disorders, Fiction, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Mental Illness, Monsters, Original Fiction, Sad, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 15:17:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3493157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainicole/pseuds/captainicole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You thought they just lived under the bed but it turns sometimes they're in your head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Monsters Under the Bed

How do you know who the real monster is?  
When you were younger it was the shadow under your bed or the clothes in your closet that moved in just the right way that they looked like something dark and moving. But now you’re older. I know better. I don’t know when it happened but one day it just clicked. The lights went out and the monster stopped being under my bed.  
The monster was really in my head.  
It is the bad thoughts and the negative voice that whispers quietly  
 _don’t eat_  
_don’t listen to her you’re ugly_  
_you aren’t worth it_  
The monster became those hateful comments that tell me I’m not worth it.   
That one picture I posted? Slut.   
How do they know me? I don’t know.  
Cara says to ignore it. Julie says to fight it. The monster says listen because it’s true.   
I can’t fight it anymore and ignoring it makes it worse.  
So there’s one slash for the fat and one for the slut and don’t forget one for eating the whole chocolate bar today and how about another because she looked at you too long for it to be a passing glance so I must have done something wrong today I definitely did so goodbye.

But shh because no one wants to hear it because I’m just insignificant compared to the bigger problems.  
 _Shut it Alice no one needs to hear it._  
_There are people dying all over the world what do you have to complain about?_  
_Alice, deal with it at least you have food to eat._  
That’s not enough that’s not enough thatsnotenough  
Tick tock goes the clock and time unravels faster than my thoughts oh dear I think I’m spiralling.  
 _Goodbye Alice._  
Cara doesn’t know what to say and Julie has given up. The monster that lives in my thoughts is still there still goading me on because I can’t rid of the monster when I have become the monster.   
So write the letters and hide them where they might be found because I’m not ready just yet but I hear the whisper _Alice you’re already a walking corpse_ and I know it just might be time.   
Tick tock the clock comes to a stop.   
Tie the necklace around my neck and my rope just tightens tightens tightens and the notes are there on my desk far enough away that they don’t have to touch me to find them and the whisper comes louder louder louder until it’s a shout and it screams _knock it out do it already you deserve it_  
And you hear someone coming up the steps and I do it and it comes out from underneath me and suddenly there’s no air and my lungs are screaming as loud as the voice and trying because _breATHE ALICE BREATHE_ but there’s something blocking the air and the lights go out and I hear a doorknob and then black spots and then everything is black.  
Until it’s not.  
Until it’s white.   
Until the little whisper comes back quieter than ever and it just says _you failed Alice._  
And there’s white walls and faces dance over my head and I hear the echo because I can’t even succeed in death but maybe now the monster won’t live in me much longer and I hold onto the little flame of home because that’s all I have left.


End file.
